Imagine, like I did, that you are married and it’s supposed to be ’til death do you part. Then one day, it’s not so happily ever-after with divorce papers in your hand. After Divorce (AD) – What Do You Do Next?
Everyone’s answer will be different, so I’ll offer mine up. I was the partner that was blindsided by this termination of the relationship but later would be oh-so-grateful it was. Not for the sympathy vote, per se. More like it was a toxic relationship that shouldn’t have existed in the first place so it’s demise was a blessing. It truly was.
After Divorce (AD) – What Do You Do Next?
As a guy’s guy in American society, the plan of action was to hook up with a girl immediately. Why? Because that was the reason for divorce: another guy. A friend, as a matter of fact. Of course I didn’t realize then, but I reeked of desperation so any woman with self-respect wouldn’t let me near her. That didn’t stop me. In the wake of the divorce, moving away from her and started healing, I started a series of rules that I pledged myself. These rules are non-negotiable, unforgiving, and most of all, for life. From that day forward, it shall be enacted and enforced. That’s what I did After Divorce (AD) – What Do You Do Next?
I knew mentally I would want to go on a spending spree of the items that my ex-wife specifically said no to buying because of her spiteful nature. I would have to dig deep to demonstrate self-discipline in that realm. First “divorce” gift from me to me is this iMac desktop computer that I’m typing this article on! After Divorce (AD) – What Do You Do Next are these things you think of. I thought pragmatically I need a computer that could handle my current demands of media (i.e. photography and music) yet complete everyday tasks as well such as word processing, connecting to the interwebs, etc.
Due to price alone, my ex-wife said no. So based on that “no”, I decided yes for myself to pick the top-of-line computer customized to my preferences, and no one was telling me different!
After Divorce (AD) – What Do You Do Next is attempt to date, at least from a guy’s perspective. And by “dating”, I mean one-night stands, hook-ups, etc. As you can imagine, I wasn’t very successful. I’ve determined you have to have a certain DNA in order to be successful at that, and I don’t have it.
I decided to do other activities with other like-minded individuals so that I may heal in a healthy, nurturing environment(s) – It ended up being volunteering for the American Red Cross, becoming Friends of the Issaquah Library, exercising / body building, travel around for photography opportunities, becoming a beer enthusiast, and developing my writing for just a short list.
After Divorce (AD) – What Do You Do Next depends on how you behave before the relationship began. I strong hypothesize that you revert to your elementary state of mind. No filters, no compromises, no exceptions. You’ve been hurt, and by damn, you won’t let that happen again.
Except it does.
You’ll get hurt, as long as you’re dating, and socializing with others on Spaceship Earth. Whether it’s a romantic interest or budding friendship, they will hurt your feelings – intentional or not. You must decide for yourself if it’s worth the risk or become the sociopath. My girlfriend asked me recently if I have any other undeclared absolutes that she wasn’t aware of. I told her those are deal-breakers and must be advised of prior to entering a relationship, so my answer was definitely “no”.
After Divorce (AD) – What Do You Do Next is set up rules in your head you may or may not communicate. For example, one of mine is music. My ex-wife hated music as background noise in favor of the television on. I thought that was crap. So the next girlfriend and every other partner beyond that must be good with music played often at their place or mine. If not, “don’t let the door hit ya, where the Good Lord split ya!”
I vowed that no one will tell me what I need or don’t need to do. I am the master of my destiny, therefore I will not be malevolently manipulated again. The only thing I NEED to do is die. So I vehemently squash demands on my time or actions. I’ve had several woman try to hold sway over me. They didn’t last long in my orbit.
So Spaceship Earth, and the Seattle area … are you recently divorced? Trial separation? How did you cope? Are you still processing the death of the relationship because that’s what it really is? I’m curious to know. Until next time, be good like you should, and if you can’t be good, be good at what you do!
Mic drop *bOoM*