“Should I invite a twice removed cousin to my son’s wedding?”
“This is a xx marriage for both my fiance and I, we have everything we need, should we put a note in our invitations that we don’t want gifts?”
“How do we let our guests know that donations to our Honeymoon would be better served than an actual gift?”
These and similar questions have come to me from clients in the past month. I am also planning my own wedding and finding questions I didn’t realize I had. I have decided to answer a couple of them each time I blog.
Q: “Should I invite a twice removed cousin to my son’s wedding?”
A: The guest list seems to be the first issue to arise. Each person invited adds to the cost of the wedding and if you’re trying to maintain a budget, can get out of control quickly.
If the considered guest is not close to the Bride or Groom nor you then they probably won’t expect an invitation. If they were to attend would they know many other guests or would you need to entertain them? Your cousin will understand that the guest list consists mainly of the Bride and Groom’s closest friends and family.
Q: “This is a xx marriage for both my fiance and I, we have everything we need, should we put a note in our invitations that we don’t want gifts?” and “How do we let our guests know that donations to our Honeymoon Fund would be better served than an actual gift?”
A: I scoured the web for opinions on this subject. Here’s what I found; Gifts are up to the giver and should come from their heart not yours. Majority opinion is that it is tacky to put something in the invitations regarding gifts or gift registry. Miss Manners among others say, no no.
Most opinions favor putting “registry” information on a wedding website as “gift suggestions”. Even more favorable was that “word of mouth” from your bridal party, family, etc. was the best bearer of this information.
There are Honeymoon Registries available however, Consumer Reports suggests reading the fine print since there are fees involved. I found a few sites online that let you register for anything like gifts, money and honeymoon activities even donations towards mortgage, etc. One of them was all “cash” gifts and the fees range from 1% to 5% of your withdrawal.
There were articles stating that it is quite appropriate these days for guests to give cash instead of gifts. Many guests will bring cards so be sure to have an appropriate holder to collect them and keep them safe until after the reception.
Keep in mind that a Money Dance during the reception is where you dance with your guests in exchange for a generous contribution to your honeymoon fund. I find that it is a “cultural” thing and done at filipino weddings as well as others where it is a tradition. It is not unheard of to receive gifts as well as cash.
I have questions I would like you to answer for me…
Q. We are getting married in Kauai and welcome people to join us but don’t expect them to travel for us. Both Chad and I have the majority of our contacts (guest list) as friends on Facebook, etc. We don’t have many physical addresses to send announcements/invitations to. The whole Electronic Invitation subject seems to have a 50/50 split of opinions on the web.
If you are a friend or relative of ours and hope for an invitation what is your opinion? Do you expect us to retrieve your address and send a paper invitation or would you prefer and electronic one that you can RSVP to online? We don’t want to forget anyone or leave anyone out by accident.
I have read several opinions on Wedding Websites and wondered what my friends and readers feel about them. What do you think is the best way to communicate our plans to our guest list, friends and family?
I appreciate all of your opinions and hope this helps others as well! More questions and planning suggestions forthcoming in the future weeks!
