The following isn’t the definitive article on the do’s and dont’s on being a pickup artist in 2016, especially coming from a guy with L.D.D. (Los Don’t Date)
Pickup Artist: Do’s and Dont’s. I’m merely offering suggestions and observations from the sidelines.
Prior to L.D.D., there was a defining moment in my life that launched my dating career. In the 6th grade, I attended a school dance. I must preface this passage that most of the kids didn’t like me. When I wrote “most kids”, I actually meant “everyone”.
I digress.
I rode my bike back home once the dance was done, and I was crying. My mother was in the kitchen, presumably waiting up for me while not exactly waiting for me. She saw the tears streaming down my face as I tried to sneak into my bedroom without her noticing. That, of course, prompted questions from her to me.
Mom: “Why are you crying, Caloy (her pet name for me)? Are you hurt? Like an injury?”This was a fair question as I am a boy, therefore accident prone. Through the sniffles, I answer: “Not injured, but a girl did hurt me.”
Mom: “Oh? How so?”
Me: “I asked a girl to dance with me, and she yelled no. And that I was ugly, and probably never get a girl to dance with me.”
Mom: “Ok, I see.” She removed her dish gloves, and invited me to sit down at the dinner table. “Come here, son. I have explaining to do.”
Me: Again, through the tears that were now drying up. “Ok.”
Mom: “First of all, that little girl doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
Me: “What do you mean, Momma?”
Mom: “Because for starters, I don’t make ugly babies. I make beautiful babies. And you, Caloy, will grow up to be a very handsome young man.”
Me: “Well, I like the sound of that.”
Mom: “Yes, you haven’t reached your full potential, but you will.”
Me: “How can you be so sure?”
Mom: “Because I do and that’s that. You wanna know how to get girls to like you? To become a pick up artist?”
Me: “Of course! Put Dad said he’s the expert, and will teach me.”
Mom: “Dad doesn’t know. I’m a woman, and can guide you. Please don’t share this secret with anyone as you can realize it could get me into trouble, as well as you. Understand?”
Me: “I understand. You’re the source, so it’s best coming from you.”
Mom: She smiled brightly as she heard her boy answer. “Ok, there are three things you’ll need to have in order for women to appreciate you. Not little girls, as this won’t work for now.”
Me: “Got it, three things.”
Mom: “Number one is manners and being polite. It’s a great sign of respect to her and others around you. In this world run by men, respect is one of the few things that you can easily give out. If you’re polite and well-mannered, she’ll notice that right away.”
Me: “That’s cool. I can do that.”
Mom: “Number two is to be funny in your own way. She wants someone to make her laugh, because Lord knows how many times she cried and will cry in this life.”
Me: “I’m funny! I crack you up all the time. Ok, what’s next?”
Mom: “Number three is to know how to dance. If you can have the confidence to dance and demonstrate that coordination publicly, she’ll appreciate what you can do behind closed doors.” She paused as if she drifted away from the conversation for a brief second.
Me: “Dancing? What kind, Momma?”
Mom: “As many styles as you can, but any one will work. A man could be ugly as sin, but if he did these three things, even he can score a date.”
Me: “That’s it?”
Mom: “Mmm, hmm. That’s it. Feel better now?”
Me: “Yes. I’ve gotta go, Momma. I have some thinking and planning to do. Goodnight.”
Mom: “Be good, good night.”
That’s what set me down the path of a successful pickup artist. I wasn’t the best, and never claimed to be, as I only wanted to hold my own in the dating scene.
I’ve addressed what to do, let’s launch into what not to do. Or at least more specifically, where not to.
In honor of David Letterman, I’ll start from the bottom and work my way to the top.
Number 3 – Work. I understand that a fair amount of fraternization occurs, even more so in certain fields than others. If memory serves me, the agreed divorce rate in this country is 40-50% with 60% of married people cheating at the work place. Sheesh. I’ve “dipped my pen in company ink” which didn’t work in any instance. Sure was fun, and it wasn’t funny when it ended. In a word? Don’t.
Number 2 – Driving. I’ve actually seen guys attempt to pickup artist girls while driving. The probability of them getting into a wreck is definitely higher than getting digits. I’m just saying!
Number 1 – Gym. I’ve been working out for a better part of a decade (maybe even more if you want me to fess up), and in different gyms, and at different times of day, and days of the week.
I’ve yet to observe a pickup artist get digits / stick the landing / get her jersey. I’ve seen plenty crash and burn. I think I know why.
There are three primary reasons why she’s there, and none of them are to be picked up.
I must preface this that I’ve never confirmed myself but I’m an educated man that’s a self-proclaimed applied communications expert that can read people fairly well.
One reason that they are there is to better themselves in some way. So if they don’t feel sexy, they won’t feel empowered, therefore unwilling to listen to the wiles of man who claims differently with the words, “Hey baby, you look hot in those yoga pants”. Perhaps they just broke up with someone over the issue? Maybe they are working out because they are in a relationship and want to preserve it?
Either way, bro, she ain’t hearing it.
Another reason? Health reasons and/or doctor’s orders. They are there for physical therapy, or they’ve been coerced into it because of a physical aliment. Again, not feeling so sexy, again, not wanting to be there, letting alone be picked up on.
Final reason? They are training for an event / sport / and/or both. That kind of dedication and discipline will not allow for distractions at the gym.
Of course, I recognize there are literally thousands of more reasons, but the aforementioned ones are a high-pass on the where not to do it.
There you have it. This guy’s do’s and don’ts of being a pickup artist in 2016. Do you have dating tips to share? Let us know as we would love to hear it. Or perhaps what not do to?
But for now, please be good like you should, and if you can’t be good … be good at what you do!
Mic drop. *bOoM*
‘los
Better Belize It Bamboo Chicken
